5 Ways We Hurt People Unknowingly

You don’t have to hit someone to hurt them.

Sometimes we hurt another person unknowingly. Sometimes we deal blows unconsciously.

These hurts don’t show up as scars, but they leave the soul bruised. These hurts don’t bleed, but they tear open hearts. These hurts break minds.

Now, this is unnerving. It is scary just to think that we may be going about our lives without realizing how we are hurting the people we love.

Here’s how not to hurt a loved one…or anyone else for that matter:

By teaching them fears.

Fear of failure keeps you from following your heart.

Fear of authorities keeps you from speaking up even when you have been wronged.

Fear of bullies makes you cower and give up and give in to their wishes.

Fear of being alone makes you jump from one abusive relationship to another.

Fear of not having enough makes you stay in a job you despise.

Fear of people who don’t look or dress like you keeps you from reaching out and connecting.

Fear of not fitting in makes you trample your unique self and precious talents to follow the herd.

Fears are debilitating. Fears keep us from doing the right thing and what is best for us and the world. Fears chain us and keep us from reaching our true potential. And yet we let fears lord over us. We refuse to let go of the fears that were drilled into us since we were kids. Worse, we spread these fears and stifle other lives.

No, no one is blaming you. That’s because many among us don’t realize that we are also ruled by these fears. We were fed on these fears, which then become a part of our being. We are directed by these fears as we go about living, choosing, acting, and reacting. These fears are so deep-seated in our psyche that we unknowingly project them onto others. We are so convinced by our fears that we manage to impress others and convince them to take on our fears.

So stop now and take stock of your fears. You need to first shed your fears. Take a close look at what’s holding you back from living out your dreams. And then think, rationally.

By taking away their hopes.

No great journey in life is smooth sailing all the way. The path to our dreams is rocky; we stumble and fall countless times along the way. At times, there is so much darkness around that we want to give up looking for a way to forge ahead. At other times, we are hurt so badly that all we want to do is quit.

When success seems far away, only hope keeps us going. When failure feels crushing, only hope makes us get up, pick up the pieces, and carry on. When there is nothing but bleakness around us, only hope keeps us from giving up.

We pin our hopes on our plans. We believe that we have it in ourselves to make it to the finish line. We have faith in the support of our loved ones. We have faith in systems and believe that the powers that be will recognize our toil, dedication, and sacrifices. We hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. We hope that times will change, and the tides will turn in our favor.

People hope for good times.

Don’t take away their hopes. Don’t take away the crutch they are leaning on. Don’t paint such a bleak picture of their woes that they are afraid to hope. Don’t make out situations and circumstances to be irreversible and hopeless. Instead, fuel their hopes, so they can dream on and push forward.

By laughing at their dreams.

Dreams are powerful motivators. We dream, and our dreams propel us to be bold, take action, and move toward our goals. We believe in our dreams, and this belief keeps us going even when the going gets tough and results don’t show up as quickly as we want them to.

Dreams are precious. When relationships sour, the bills seem to crush you, and the job becomes impossible to endure for another day, our dreams give us something to look forward to. When all we want to do is quit and give up on life, our dreams keep us ticking along.

In our dreams, we rise above the daily cares and struggles of life. In our dreams, we transcend our fears and insecurities. In our dreams, we are our best selves—empowered, emboldened, and inspirational.

The next time someone shares their dreams with you, do not laugh at them. You might think they have preposterous ideas, but to them, their dreams are the fuel that gets them through the day. For many people, their dreams are the reason they get out of bed every morning. When you ridicule a person’s dreams, you not only encroach upon sacred territories but also rob someone of their will to live their best lives.

By snatching away their freedom.

You don’t have to chain a person’s ankles or lock them up in a room to rob them of their freedom. Unfortunately, there are many other ways in which we snatch people’s freedom away without realizing what we are doing.

We rob someone of their freedom when we don’t allow them to be or express their unique selves.

We all are unique beings. Inside each one of us, there is a burning rage to follow where the heart leads and do what the soul seeks. When you compel someone to follow your agenda or live their lives according to your rules or plans, you take away their freedom to fulfill a primal need—be themselves.

We have only so much energy, assets, and resources to live with. When you compel someone to give their time, energy, and resources to help you fulfill your needs, you leave them with little or nothing with which they can realize their dreams and meet their wants. When you deplete a person—physically, financially, or emotionally—you take away their freedom to build the life they desire and live it on their terms.

Yes, you don’t have to chain people physically or confine them to a cell to take away their freedom.

You can guilt-trip them to give up their lives to serve your needs. You can chain a person in the name of responsibility, duty, or obligation. You take away someone’s freedom when you tie them to a co-dependent relationship.  You take away a person’s freedom when you rob them of choices or influence them to conform to societal norms.

Beware!

By labeling them.

We need to believe in ourselves, so we can be bold and reach for our dreams. We need to believe in our unique gifts, so we can express ourselves boldly. We need to believe that we are limitless, so we are inspired to rise above and improve our conditions.

When you label a person as a loser, they get the idea that they are losers and that it is futile to strive for their dreams. When you label a person as poor or low-class, they get the idea that they are destined to remain so and that it is futile to try to improve their lot.

We are social animals; we seek validation from others. Most of us are influenced by what others think about us.

Not many of us realize that when we label a person, we limit them. Not many of us realize that when we define a person, we draw boundaries around them and chain them to our beliefs.

When you label someone, you unknowingly change a person’s opinion about themselves. When you label someone, you unknowingly dent their self-esteem.

Don’t!

We are connected in subtle ways. We communicate and influence each other with our words, thoughts, vibes, and behavior. You may not realize when how one careless remark from you stifles a person’s soul. You may not realize when somebody vulnerable takes on your fears and shrinks back from life. It is scary to imagine how we can hurt a person so much that they retreat into a shell and stop engaging with life. Yes, we have so much power over another person.