Step outside your house to find “home.”

(Disclaimer: You don’t have to sell the house and all your belongings, pack up, and move to search for a home.)

“Home” is a fuzzy concept. Often, many people realize this (to their dismay) after they have shelled out a fortune to buy a luxurious condo or renovate their current house. Suddenly the gleaming glass and stainless-steel kitchen is no longer as alluring as it appeared in the brochure. The sprawling yard and the lake views from the porch fail to perk them up. Some wonder what they were thinking when they fell for the in-house gym.  

That’s because “home” is, essentially, a concept. It is an idea that can take many forms.  

Any place where you are at peace is your home. Any place where you feel you belong is your home. Your home is your sanctuary. When you are “home,” you don’t want to go anywhere else.

A cause. A person. The work that you do in the world. A hobby. A pet. The book you are penning right now or the musical piece you are working on. Your home can look like anything. The home is where the heart is, and the heart does not follow rules.

Your home might not look like what someone else calls home. Your home may not even be something that anyone else can see. Others see you wandering around the world with your stuff packed away in a backpack, but they don’t see the home that you are carrying around within you.

Obsession with a hobby. Absolute devotion to someone. Total immersion in a project. The home that’s within you can be beyond many to comprehend, let alone appreciate and honor.

If the brick-and-mortar house that you are living in right now leaves you yearning for something more fulfilling, it is time you searched for “home.” You will find it when you rewire your ideas. Here’s how.

Convince yourself that it is okay to not want what people around you are scrambling after. It is also okay to want something that people around you scoff at.

Everyone is built differently. Their soul paths take different directions. You are a unique being. You are not wired like everyone else around you. So, it is natural that what makes your heart sing and spirits soar may not resonate with your mom, BFF, or your co-worker. It is okay if you fail to get what the hullabaloo is about a new make of smartphone or car. Remember the pioneers and the trailblazers of our society; they made a difference because they chose to listen to their guts and follow their dreams.

Realize your uniqueness and tread your own path. Be prepared to face sneers, jeers, and snide remarks. Get ready to defend your moves to people who cannot imagine that success can also come by buckling rules and bypassing norms.

(Psst! Here’s how you can deal with detractors and naysayers without expending words. Keep mum about your next move. If they don’t know about it, they can’t ruin your journey.)

Know what FEELS right to YOU.

Now this is a skill you might have to master. That’s because in a world full of noise (read: Instagram feeds, Facebook updates, TV reality shows), most of us have lost the ability to listen to our gut feelings. Our intuition is drowned in the cacophony and clutter of other people’s expectations and assumptions of how we should live our lives.

To get back in touch with the real YOU, practice quieting your mind. Start by distancing yourself from social media and news feeds. Carve out some me-time every day. (Warning! You may have to decline an invitation to a party or put the phone on silent mode.) This is how you can create the physical environment required to journey inside your mind. Now meditate, which can be as simple as focusing on your breath. There are countless meditation resources on the Internet; go through a few to figure out which technique suits you.   

As you become calmer, your inner voice will grow louder. Your gut feelings become more powerful. Don’t ignore these rumblings. When you hear them, pause, and switch off your rational mind for some time.

The rational mind is teeming with ideas of what’s “right” for you, as decided by society. It is that part of you that holds on to the beliefs drilled into you by your parents and teachers, the behaviors, habits, and responses you were conditioned to make a part of your being, and the fears and traumas that color your actions. When you dim the rational mind, you hear your soul loud and clear. You realize what your heart truly wants.

Be prepared to let go of stuff, relationships, and beliefs along the way.

Now this sounds scary, but it might be inevitable.

Stuff, either physical or mental, always weighs you down. If you have too many objects to clean, stack, store, repair, and replace, when will you make the time and garner the energy to go after your passions? If you carry around a heart heavy with rejections from the past and a brain drowning in negativity drilled in by others, how will you recognize opportunities and embrace positive change in your life? Declutter your physical environment and headspace, so you are free to embark on the greatest adventure of your life.

As you search for, discover, and honor the real YOU, many of your beliefs will get a shakeup, from the ground up. And as you start to reprogram your thoughts, attitudes, actions, and responses, there will be some who will resent your metamorphosis. Some people will feel rejected and hurt when you refuse to conform to their views. Some people will feel threatened when you refuse to go by their rules. Some others will fail to understand you and your motives and will try to dissuade you from your path.

Once again, remind yourself that everyone is built differently. Accept the differences and let go of the people who want to hold you back. Let go of relationships that stifle you. Let go of associations that distract you from your goals.

Now letting go of people and relationships does not mean that you sever long-held ties. It just means that you say “no” to meetups more often, pick up the phone less, and keep silent during conversations that seem to be hurtling down the path of conflict and drama. In short, go under the radar. They can’t ruin what they don’t know.

Remember you will not be around forever.

You skip lunch to meet deadlines. You forego sleep to work on a precious project. That’s because you know time is finite. You know you must race against the clock because it is always ticking. Now expand your thoughts and think in terms of years and decades.

Remembering our mortality gives a sense of urgency to our days and routines. When you remember that you will not be around forever, you can easily forego distractions and let go of stuff and people that are gobbling away your time, energy, and resources.

Reminding yourself of the inevitability of human mortality is a powerful realization. It will spur you to make the next move. It will motivate you to change your paradigm. It will make you ignore discomfort and embrace change for the sake of finding your true home.

The process of finding your “home” is a journey that will take you deep within yourself and make you confront and question your staunchest beliefs. Learning more about yourself is fascinating but the process of evolving into someone who puts themselves first is never easy. But do whatever it takes, or else you will never discover the peace that comes from being “at home.”